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I told my kids, Someday, you'll have kids of your own. One of them said, So will you.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Hernias
Someday
Told
Kids
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was poor. I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.
Rodney Dangerfield
One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida.
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife has teeth like the stars... they come out at night.
Rodney Dangerfield
Dad told me to stop running in circles, I couldn't, so he nailed down my other foot!
Rodney Dangerfield
One day as I came home early, I saw a man jogging naked. I said to the guy, 'Hey, buddy, why are you doing that?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'
Rodney Dangerfield
All my wife and I do is fight about sex. The other night, we really had it out. Well, I'll put it this way - I had it out.
Rodney Dangerfield
When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again.
Rodney Dangerfield
I asked my wife if she would put out the garbage. she said why should I you never put out for me.
Rodney Dangerfield
When I told my wife she was lousy in bed - she went out - she got a second opinion.
Rodney Dangerfield
I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There MUST be.'
Rodney Dangerfield
The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it.
Rodney Dangerfield
I get no respect... I tell you, when I was born, the doctor smacked my mother
Rodney Dangerfield
What a dog I got, he found out we look alike, so he killed himself.
Rodney Dangerfield
A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.
Rodney Dangerfield
I once had a problem ... so I tried group sex. Now I have a new problem - who to thank.
Rodney Dangerfield
I was an ugly kid when I was born, after the doctor cut the cord, he hung himself.
Rodney Dangerfield
A hooker once told me she had a headache.
Rodney Dangerfield
My father gave me a bat for Christmas. The first time I tried to play with it, it flew away.
Rodney Dangerfield
When I was forty, I was getting divorced, living in a low-class, dirty hotel in New York. My mother was dying of cancer. I owed $20,000. That was about the lowest. I came back to show business, and I couldn't get a job. I was turned down by every small-time agent in New York.
Rodney Dangerfield
When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
Rodney Dangerfield
