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I told my kids, Someday, you'll have kids of your own. One of them said, So will you.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Told
Kids
Hernias
Someday
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When I told my wife she was lousy in bed - she went out - she got a second opinion.
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My wife is so fat that the last time I saw something that big it was grazing.
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She was so fat that her bikini is made out of two bed sheets (king-size).
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My sex life is like shooting pool with a rope!
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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It's great to have gray hair. Ask anyone who's bald.
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What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!
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I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is don't tell the butcher!
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I'm a downer. I've been depressed my whole life. Figure it out.
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You don't know who to believe. Like Abraham Lincoln. He said all men were created equal. He never went to a nude beach.
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School is a place were you go to eat your lunch
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My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
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My wife has cut our lovemaking down to once a month, but I know two guys she's cut out entirely.
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I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn't enough.
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I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.
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I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
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My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good.
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I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.
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I have three kids, one of each.
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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
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