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I told my kids, Someday, you'll have kids of your own. One of them said, So will you.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Hernias
Someday
Told
Kids
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
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A man in the crowd asks: Hey Rodney, how'd you get started? Rodney: I was 12 years old, alone in my room, and I got started!
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With girls I get no respect. A belly dancer told me I turned her stomach.
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I recently had double-bypass surgery. As they wheel you in, the doctor always gives you a last look. You know that look. That look of confidence to make you feel good. I always say to every doctor, If I don't make it, I'll never know it.
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I don't get no respect
Rodney Dangerfield
I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife is so fat that when she lays on the beach the people feel sorry for her and try to roll her back into the water.
Rodney Dangerfield
My only thrill is self inflicted hickies.
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Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe.
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Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.
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I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
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She was so fat that her bathtub has stretch marks.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again.
Rodney Dangerfield
During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me… Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
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The shape I'm in, I could donate my body to science fiction.
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It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.
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With my wife I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.
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I'd like to get some new clothes, but I can't find a Big and Short store.
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My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
Rodney Dangerfield
