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I told my kids, Someday, you'll have kids of your own. One of them said, So will you.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Told
Kids
Hernias
Someday
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
She was so fat that her bathtub has stretch marks.
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Never guess your wife's size. Just buy anything marked petite and hold on to the receipt.
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I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor they sent a priest up to talk to me and he said, ' On your mark...'
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I joined gamblers anon., they gave me 2 to 1 I wouldn't make it! I joined AA, there was a two drink minimum!
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My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, Look, twins!
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I am the world's oldest teenager. I've never lost my youthful attitude.
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They say love thy neighbor as thy self , what am I supposed to do jerk him off too?
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I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There MUST be.'
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If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.
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I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice. I don't know if I'm coming or going.
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My mother used to rock me - and she used big rocks.
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Comedy is a camouflage for depression.
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Life is full of temporary situations, ultimately ending in a permanent solution.
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Better to keep quiet and let people think you're an idiot than speak up and confirm it.
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What a dog I got, he found out we look alike, so he killed himself.
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Time and tide and hookers wait for no man.
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It's great to have gray hair. Ask anyone who's bald.
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When we got married my wife told me I was one in a million. I found out she was right.
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