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I was an ugly kid when I was born, after the doctor cut the cord, he hung himself.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Cutting
Born
Cord
Kids
Cords
Suicidal
Hung
Doctor
Doctors
Ugly
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I'd like to get some new clothes, but I can't find a Big and Short store.
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My childhood was bad. No father. Mother was greedy and brought me up awful - never made me breakfast once. I don't want to get started. One story is worse than another.
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Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.
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I can't get no respect.
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My wife is so fat that when she lays on the beach the people feel sorry for her and try to roll her back into the water.
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You know you're old when your family talk about you in front of you. What are we going to do with Pop? We have company tonight.
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I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar.
Rodney Dangerfield
I tell ya, my wife's a lousy cook. After dinner, I don't brush my teeth. I count them.
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Never guess your wife's size. Just buy anything marked petite and hold on to the receipt.
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He found a new way to cover up his bad breath. He holds up his arms.
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I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, Are you going to hate yourself in the morning? She said, No, I hate myself now.
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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
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I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the west.
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With girls I get no respect. A belly dancer told me I turned her stomach.
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All my wife and I do is fight about sex. The other night, we really had it out. Well, I'll put it this way - I had it out.
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I asked my wife if she would put out the garbage. she said why should I you never put out for me.
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My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.
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Hey, did somebody step on a duck?
Rodney Dangerfield
A man in the crowd asks: Hey Rodney, how'd you get started? Rodney: I was 12 years old, alone in my room, and I got started!
Rodney Dangerfield
I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
Rodney Dangerfield
