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I was an ugly kid when I was born, after the doctor cut the cord, he hung himself.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Ugly
Cutting
Born
Cord
Kids
Cords
Suicidal
Hung
Doctor
Doctors
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They say love thy neighbor as thy self , what am I supposed to do jerk him off too?
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Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.
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Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
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With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave.
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Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing happened, so I said to her, 'What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?'
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I asked my wife, 'On a scale of 1 to 10, how do you rate me as a lover?' She said, 'You know I'm no good at fractions.'
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You know you're old when your family talk about you in front of you. What are we going to do with Pop? We have company tonight.
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I get no respect... I tell you, when I was born, the doctor smacked my mother
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I asked my wife if she would put out the garbage. she said why should I you never put out for me.
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I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There MUST be.'
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For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.
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My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
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I shouldn't tell jokes about my wife. she's attached to a machine that keeps her alive... The refrigerator.
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my wifes cooking is so bad the flys fix our screens
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School is a place were you go to eat your lunch
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At Christmas time I sat on Santa's lap. His fly was open ! Boy what a present he gave me !
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You live with life's disappointments and learn from them. At seventy-eight, I know it all.
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I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
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I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is don't tell the butcher!
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My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.
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