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I was an ugly kid when I was born, after the doctor cut the cord, he hung himself.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Suicidal
Hung
Doctor
Doctors
Ugly
Cutting
Born
Cord
Kids
Cords
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I once met a beautiful, proper English girl. I bid her adieu.... she bid me a don't.
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My wife is so fat that when she lays on the beach the people feel sorry for her and try to roll her back into the water.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again.
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Sure I smoked pot in hospital. My wife won't let me toke at home.
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Oh, when I was a kid, I was poor. Christmas, I got no presents. Well, there was one Christmas, on our front lawn - Prancer and Dancer - they dropped off a little something.
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My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
Rodney Dangerfield
It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.
Rodney Dangerfield
If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.
Rodney Dangerfield
I shouldn't tell jokes about my wife. she's attached to a machine that keeps her alive... The refrigerator.
Rodney Dangerfield
She was so ugly that I took her to a dog show and she won first prize.
Rodney Dangerfield
Group sex, are you kidding, I had group sex - my wife screwed in front of the jury.
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At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't.
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I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.
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I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.
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This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
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I tell ya when I fly, I don't get no respect. I took one of those cheap flights, no frills. I finished eatin' and had to do the dishes.
Rodney Dangerfield
My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
Rodney Dangerfield
One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.
Rodney Dangerfield
I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the west.
Rodney Dangerfield
My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good.
Rodney Dangerfield
