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I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor they sent a priest up to talk to me and he said, ' On your mark...'
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Going
Floor
Sent
Mark
Tenth
Window
Suicidal
Humor
Priest
Talk
Depressed
Funny
Jump
Remember
Priests
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I said to a girl I'd been seeing, come home with me, honey, and I'll show you where it's at. She said, You'd better, because the last time I could'nt find it.
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I was an ugly kid when I was born, after the doctor cut the cord, he hung himself.
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My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
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My wife has cut our lovemaking down to once a month, but I know two guys she's cut out entirely.
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I live in a bad neighborhood. Why, I saw two complete strangers share a taxi - yeah, one guy took the radio and the other guy took the tires.
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My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.
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When I was forty, I was getting divorced, living in a low-class, dirty hotel in New York. My mother was dying of cancer. I owed $20,000. That was about the lowest. I came back to show business, and I couldn't get a job. I was turned down by every small-time agent in New York.
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I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
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She was so fat that her clothes are made by Omar the tent maker.
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They say love thy neighbor as thy self , what am I supposed to do jerk him off too?
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I had a date with an inflatable girl. Now I got an inflatable guy looking for me.
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What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all.
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I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, Are you going to hate yourself in the morning? She said, No, I hate myself now.
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A hooker once told me she had a headache.
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What a dog I got, he found out we look alike, so he killed himself.
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The shape I'm in, I could donate my body to science fiction.
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My wife has teeth like the stars... they come out at night.
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Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
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Cars and women are a lot alike. They lie about the milage.
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We were poor. we were so poor, in my neighborhood the rainbow was in black-and-white.
Rodney Dangerfield
