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I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor they sent a priest up to talk to me and he said, ' On your mark...'
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Humor
Priest
Talk
Depressed
Jump
Funny
Priests
Remember
Floor
Going
Sent
Mark
Tenth
Window
Suicidal
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When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names - hers and her mother's.
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She was so fat that her clothes are made by Omar the tent maker.
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Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing happened, so I said to her, 'What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?'
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I tell ya when I fly, I don't get no respect. I took one of those cheap flights, no frills. I finished eatin' and had to do the dishes.
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I am the world's oldest teenager. I've never lost my youthful attitude.
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I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the west.
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If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.
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I bought a perfect second car... a tow truck.
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When we got married my wife told me I was one in a million. I found out she was right.
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My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.
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She was so ugly that her face could stop a sundial.
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I was an ugly kid when I was born, after the doctor cut the cord, he hung himself.
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I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
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I tell ya, I knew my morning wasn't going right. When I put on my shirt the button fell off, when I picked up my briefcase, the handle fell off, I tell ya, I was afraid to go to the bathroom.
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Time and tide and hookers wait for no man.
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