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My wife made me join a bridge club... I jump off next Tuesday.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Clubs
Tuesday
Humor
Suicidal
Comedy
Amusing
Wife
Bridge
Funny
Jump
Next
Join
Made
Club
Bridges
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When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
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He who laughs last didn't get it in the first place.
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A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.
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You don't know who to believe. Like Abraham Lincoln. He said all men were created equal. He never went to a nude beach.
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I'll tell you one thing, I know how to satisfy my wife in bed, yeah, I leave.
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I shouldn't tell jokes about my wife. she's attached to a machine that keeps her alive... The refrigerator.
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I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn't enough.
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I'd like to get some new clothes, but I can't find a Big and Short store.
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My kids scotch tape worms to the sidewalk and watch the birds get hernias.
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My sex life is terrible my wife put a mirror over the dog's bed. Actually she did put a mirror over our bed. She says she likes to watch herself laugh.
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A hooker once told me she had a headache.
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I tell ya, I know the best way to get girls. I hang out at women's prisons, and wait for parolees.
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Me and my dad used to play tag, he'd drive!
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I'm sitting on top of the world, and I've got hemorrhoids.
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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I figured out I'm bisexual. I have sex twice a year.
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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
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I joined gamblers anon., they gave me 2 to 1 I wouldn't make it! I joined AA, there was a two drink minimum!
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