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My wife made me join a bridge club... I jump off next Tuesday.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Funny
Jump
Next
Join
Made
Club
Bridges
Clubs
Tuesday
Humor
Suicidal
Comedy
Amusing
Wife
Bridge
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
What a dog I got. Last night he went on the paper four times - three while I was reading it.
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I get no respect... I tell you, when I was born, the doctor smacked my mother
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One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.
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On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
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Don't talk about yourself so much...we'll do that when you leave.
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I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, Are you going to hate yourself in the morning? She said, No, I hate myself now.
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I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar.
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[on 8/24/04, before entering a Los Angeles hospital for heart valve replacement surgery] If things go right, I'll be there about a week, and if things don't go right, I'll be there about an hour and a half.
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This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
Rodney Dangerfield
My kid wants to be a prison warden when he grows up so he can put thumb tacks on the electric chairs.
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She was so fat that her clothes are made by Omar the tent maker.
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I come from a stupid family. My uncle heard that most deaths occurs within ten miles of the house...so he moved.
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I tell ya, southern people, they always think you are hard-of-hearing. Every timr you leave they say to you, You come back, you hear? And southern people, they think you are horny too. You get directions, they say, Just up the road apiece.
Rodney Dangerfield
When it comes to sex, at my age I like threesomes. In case one of us dies.
Rodney Dangerfield
I asked him Who said you could fool around with my wife he said everybody.
Rodney Dangerfield
When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names - hers and her mother's.
Rodney Dangerfield
They took a survey: Why do men get up in the middle of the night? Ten percent get up to go to the bathroom and 90 percent get up to go home.
Rodney Dangerfield
I tell ya when I fly, I don't get no respect. I took one of those cheap flights, no frills. I finished eatin' and had to do the dishes.
Rodney Dangerfield
my wifes cooking is so bad the flys fix our screens
Rodney Dangerfield
I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There MUST be.'
Rodney Dangerfield
