Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide', and he told me from now I have to pay in advance.
Rodney Dangerfield
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Humor
Told
Week
Psychiatrist
Lasts
Suicidal
Last
Advance
Funny
Suicide
Keep
Thinking
Pay
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
My wife has teeth like the stars... they come out at night.
Rodney Dangerfield
I get no respect... I tell you, when I was born, the doctor smacked my mother
Rodney Dangerfield
You know you're old when your family talk about you in front of you. What are we going to do with Pop? We have company tonight.
Rodney Dangerfield
My kids scotch tape worms to the sidewalk and watch the birds get hernias.
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.
Rodney Dangerfield
The shape I'm in, I could donate my body to science fiction.
Rodney Dangerfield
I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.
Rodney Dangerfield
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
Rodney Dangerfield
We were poor. we were so poor, in my neighborhood the rainbow was in black-and-white.
Rodney Dangerfield
I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor they sent a priest up to talk to me and he said, ' On your mark...'
Rodney Dangerfield
I tell ya, my wife's a lousy cook. After dinner, I don't brush my teeth. I count them.
Rodney Dangerfield
With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave.
Rodney Dangerfield
Time and tide and hookers wait for no man.
Rodney Dangerfield
What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all.
Rodney Dangerfield
I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.
Rodney Dangerfield
At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't.
Rodney Dangerfield
One day as I came home early, I saw a man jogging naked. I said to the guy, 'Hey, buddy, why are you doing that?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'
Rodney Dangerfield
If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.
Rodney Dangerfield
I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.
Rodney Dangerfield
I told my dentist I want a tooth to match the others. He gave my one with four cavities.
Rodney Dangerfield
