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My father gave me a bat for Christmas. The first time I tried to play with it, it flew away.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Father
Away
Firsts
Bats
Play
Flew
First
Christmas
Time
Baseball
Tried
Gave
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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School is a place were you go to eat your lunch
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When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again.
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I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, Are you going to hate yourself in the morning? She said, No, I hate myself now.
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One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.
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When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
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My car broke down just the other day, I called triple A, they came and towed me away!
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I tell ya, it's tough to save a buck. Right now I'm supporting two fighters. My wife and her mother.
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Me and my dad used to play tag, he'd drive!
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When I was forty, I was getting divorced, living in a low-class, dirty hotel in New York. My mother was dying of cancer. I owed $20,000. That was about the lowest. I came back to show business, and I couldn't get a job. I was turned down by every small-time agent in New York.
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My wife is so fat that the last time I saw something that big it was grazing.
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Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
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With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, How can I get my kite in the air? He told me to run off a cliff.
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Oh, I was an ugly kid. My old man took me to the zoo. They thanked him for returning me.
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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
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My wife is so fat that when she lays on the beach the people feel sorry for her and try to roll her back into the water.
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You wanna have laughs? Do what I do. When I go through a tollbooth, I keep going. I tell the guy, The car behind me is paying for two.
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Don't talk about yourself so much...we'll do that when you leave.
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What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!
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She was old too, when she went to school they didn't have history.
Rodney Dangerfield
