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My father gave me a bat for Christmas. The first time I tried to play with it, it flew away.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Tried
Gave
Father
Away
Firsts
Bats
Play
Flew
First
Christmas
Time
Baseball
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, Look, twins!
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.
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One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her you cooked it, you take it out.
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I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
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He who laughs last didn't get it in the first place.
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If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.
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I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There MUST be.'
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My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
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It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.
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What a dog I got. Last night he went on the paper four times - three while I was reading it.
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My wife is so fat that when she lays on the beach the people feel sorry for her and try to roll her back into the water.
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Guy goes into a bar with a duck under his arm. Bartender says, Where'd you get the pig? Guy says, This is a duck. Bartender says, I was talking to the duck.
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Sure I smoked pot in hospital. My wife won't let me toke at home.
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My wife is so fat that the last time I saw something that big it was grazing.
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You take care and I hope I'll run into you - when I'm driving.
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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I asked him Who said you could fool around with my wife he said everybody.
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I come home from work early one day, and I see a guy jogging down the street in his underwear. I ask him, Why are you jogging in your underwear? He says, You came home from work early.
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On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
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My kids scotch tape worms to the sidewalk and watch the birds get hernias.
Rodney Dangerfield
