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I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Making
Night
Love
Dating
Phone
Phones
Looked
Wife
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
His breath is so bad why every time he smokes he blows onion rings.
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My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.
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My ex-wife is a water sign and I'm an earth sign. Together we made mud.
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I asked my wife, 'On a scale of 1 to 10, how do you rate me as a lover?' She said, 'You know I'm no good at fractions.'
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My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
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I've never been lucky. The day my ship came in, I was at the airport.
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With girls I get no respect. A belly dancer told me I turned her stomach.
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I was an ugly child. I got lost on the beach. I asked a cop if he could find my parents. He said, 'I don't know. There's lots of places for them to hide'.
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I have three kids, one of each.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again.
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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
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A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.
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I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is don't tell the butcher!
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I say 'no' to drugs. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs I say, 'no.
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My only thrill is self inflicted hickies.
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She was so fat that her clothes are made by Omar the tent maker.
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I'd like to get some new clothes, but I can't find a Big and Short store.
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I had a date with an inflatable girl. Now I got an inflatable guy looking for me.
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I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There MUST be.'
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I live in a bad neighborhood. Why, I saw two complete strangers share a taxi - yeah, one guy took the radio and the other guy took the tires.
Rodney Dangerfield
