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I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Wife
Making
Night
Love
Dating
Phone
Phones
Looked
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It's lonely on the top when there's no one on the bottom.
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At my age I'm envious of a stiff wind.
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I tell ya, gambling never agreed with me. Last week I went to the track and they shot my horse with the opening gun.
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On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
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I have tried a little kinky stuff. A woman called me and said, 'I have mirrors all over my bedroom. Bring a bottle.' I brought Windex.
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My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
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Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.
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I get no respect... I tell you, when I was born, the doctor smacked my mother
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I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the west.
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When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
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I tell ya, I know the best way to get girls. I hang out at women's prisons, and wait for parolees.
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School is a place were you go to eat your lunch
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If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong.
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I was an ugly kid when I was born, after the doctor cut the cord, he hung himself.
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Time and tide and hookers wait for no man.
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I am the world's oldest teenager. I've never lost my youthful attitude.
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My cousin is gay, in school while other kids were dissecting frog, he was opening flies.
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We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead.
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She was so fat that her bikini is made out of two bed sheets (king-size).
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You take care and I hope I'll run into you - when I'm driving.
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