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I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Phones
Looked
Wife
Making
Night
Love
Dating
Phone
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My wife she's fat. Why, if she lost a few pounds, she'd be perfectly round.
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Boy is my wife stupid. It takes her and hour and a half to watch 60 minutes. My daughters no bargain either. In public school she was voted most likely to conceive.
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I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
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My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
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My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.
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With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave.
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My father gave me a bat for Christmas. The first time I tried to play with it, it flew away.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again.
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The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it.
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I'm a downer. I've been depressed my whole life. Figure it out.
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She was so fat that her bikini is made out of two bed sheets (king-size).
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Better to keep quiet and let people think you're an idiot than speak up and confirm it.
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Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe.
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Don't talk about yourself so much...we'll do that when you leave.
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During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me… Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
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A hooker once told me she had a headache.
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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
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My wife has teeth like the stars... they come out at night.
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I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
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Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
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