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I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Love
Dating
Phone
Phones
Looked
Wife
Making
Night
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
She was so ugly that her face could stop a sundial.
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You live with life's disappointments and learn from them. At seventy-eight, I know it all.
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I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There MUST be.'
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I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the west.
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When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, Look, twins!
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I know I'm not sexy. In high school I was voted Most Likely to Masturbate.
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My only thrill is self inflicted hickies.
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We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.
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I got myself good this morning too. I did my pushups in the nude, I didn't see the mouse trap.
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We were poor. we were so poor, in my neighborhood the rainbow was in black-and-white.
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I've never been lucky. The day my ship came in, I was at the airport.
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School is a place were you go to eat your lunch
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I tell ya, I knew my morning wasn't going right. When I put on my shirt the button fell off, when I picked up my briefcase, the handle fell off, I tell ya, I was afraid to go to the bathroom.
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I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.
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He found a new way to cover up his bad breath. He holds up his arms.
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I was an ugly child. I got lost on the beach. I asked a cop if he could find my parents. He said, 'I don't know. There's lots of places for them to hide'.
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All my wife and I do is fight about sex. The other night, we really had it out. Well, I'll put it this way - I had it out.
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Me and my dad used to play tag, he'd drive!
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Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe.
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