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I told my wife 'hey honey come on, let's make love like the old days.' She asked me for 50 bucks.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Like
Honey
Asked
Told
Wife
Days
Come
Bucks
Make
Hey
Love
Dating
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We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead.
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I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
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I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
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On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
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My childhood was bad. No father. Mother was greedy and brought me up awful - never made me breakfast once. I don't want to get started. One story is worse than another.
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She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up.
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They say love thy neighbor as thy self , what am I supposed to do jerk him off too?
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I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.
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Don't talk about yourself so much...we'll do that when you leave.
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I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.
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I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
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Group sex, are you kidding, I had group sex - my wife screwed in front of the jury.
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I come home from work early one day, and I see a guy jogging down the street in his underwear. I ask him, Why are you jogging in your underwear? He says, You came home from work early.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. When I went on the roller coaster, my old man told me to stand up straight.
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What a dog I got. Last night he went on the paper four times - three while I was reading it.
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Dad told me to stop running in circles, I couldn't, so he nailed down my other foot!
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I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar.
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My father gave me a bat for Christmas. The first time I tried to play with it, it flew away.
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Life is just a bowl of pits.
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