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I told my wife 'hey honey come on, let's make love like the old days.' She asked me for 50 bucks.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Told
Wife
Days
Come
Bucks
Make
Hey
Love
Dating
Like
Honey
Asked
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I joined gamblers anon., they gave me 2 to 1 I wouldn't make it! I joined AA, there was a two drink minimum!
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I know I'm not sexy. In high school I was voted Most Likely to Masturbate.
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My cousin is gay, in school while other kids were dissecting frog, he was opening flies.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again.
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My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
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All my wife and I do is fight about sex. The other night, we really had it out. Well, I'll put it this way - I had it out.
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my wifes cooking is so bad the flys fix our screens
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At my age I'm envious of a stiff wind.
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My son's an idiot. He sprained his ankle playing golf. He fell off the ballwasher.
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My wife has teeth like the stars... they come out at night.
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We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead.
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I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.
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Sure I smoked pot in hospital. My wife won't let me toke at home.
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I tell ya, gambling never agreed with me. Last week I went to the track and they shot my horse with the opening gun.
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You know you're old when your family talk about you in front of you. What are we going to do with Pop? We have company tonight.
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I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
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It's lonely on the top when there's no one on the bottom.
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Guy goes into a bar with a duck under his arm. Bartender says, Where'd you get the pig? Guy says, This is a duck. Bartender says, I was talking to the duck.
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[on 8/24/04, before entering a Los Angeles hospital for heart valve replacement surgery] If things go right, I'll be there about a week, and if things don't go right, I'll be there about an hour and a half.
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I got myself good this morning too. I did my pushups in the nude, I didn't see the mouse trap.
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