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I told my wife 'hey honey come on, let's make love like the old days.' She asked me for 50 bucks.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Asked
Told
Wife
Days
Come
Bucks
Make
Hey
Love
Dating
Like
Honey
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her you cooked it, you take it out.
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I asked my wife, 'On a scale of 1 to 10, how do you rate me as a lover?' She said, 'You know I'm no good at fractions.'
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I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.
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My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.
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I got myself good this morning too. I did my pushups in the nude, I didn't see the mouse trap.
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You don't know who to believe. Like Abraham Lincoln. He said all men were created equal. He never went to a nude beach.
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I have tried a little kinky stuff. A woman called me and said, 'I have mirrors all over my bedroom. Bring a bottle.' I brought Windex.
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Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide', and he told me from now I have to pay in advance.
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My cousin is gay, in school while other kids were dissecting frog, he was opening flies.
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I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.
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I tell ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her if I could give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek - she bent over!
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It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.
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I said to a girl I'd been seeing, come home with me, honey, and I'll show you where it's at. She said, You'd better, because the last time I could'nt find it.
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At Christmas time we couldn't afford tinsel, so we'd wait till grandpa sneezed.
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I say 'no' to drugs. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs I say, 'no.
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At certain times I like sex - like after a cigarette.
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With my wife I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.
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My wife made me join a bridge club... I jump off next Tuesday.
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I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.
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My old man never liked me. He gave me my allowance in traveler's checks.
Rodney Dangerfield
