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my wifes cooking is so bad the flys fix our screens

Rodney Dangerfield

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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Screens
Cooking

More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

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Comedy is a camouflage for depression.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I had a date with an inflatable girl. Now I got an inflatable guy looking for me.
Rodney Dangerfield
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My wife she's fat. Why, if she lost a few pounds, she'd be perfectly round.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Me and my dad used to play tag, he'd drive!
Rodney Dangerfield
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When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again.
Rodney Dangerfield
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My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
Rodney Dangerfield
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My wife is so fat that when she lays on the beach the people feel sorry for her and try to roll her back into the water.
Rodney Dangerfield
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My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
Rodney Dangerfield
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One time my whole family played hide and seek. They found my mother in Pittsburgh!
Rodney Dangerfield
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She was so fat that her bathtub has stretch marks.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I know I'm not sexy. In high school I was voted Most Likely to Masturbate.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I once dated a girl that was wild. She was so wild that one night she gave her phone number to the mechanical bull.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Man, who don't like spaghetti?
Rodney Dangerfield
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When I was forty, I was getting divorced, living in a low-class, dirty hotel in New York. My mother was dying of cancer. I owed $20,000. That was about the lowest. I came back to show business, and I couldn't get a job. I was turned down by every small-time agent in New York.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I've been writing jokes since I'm fifteen. Not out of happiness, but to go to a different place, because reality wasn't good to me.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor they sent a priest up to talk to me and he said, ' On your mark...'
Rodney Dangerfield
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I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.
Rodney Dangerfield