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my wifes cooking is so bad the flys fix our screens

Rodney Dangerfield

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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Cooking
Screens

More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

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My wife is so fat that when she lays on the beach the people feel sorry for her and try to roll her back into the water.
Rodney Dangerfield
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What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!
Rodney Dangerfield
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I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
Rodney Dangerfield
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It was the same thing in the army, no respect. They gave me a uniform that glowed in the dark.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I'll tell you one thing, I know how to satisfy my wife in bed, yeah, I leave.
Rodney Dangerfield
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My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
Rodney Dangerfield
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If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.
Rodney Dangerfield
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She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was poor. I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.
Rodney Dangerfield
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He who laughs last didn't get it in the first place.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Me and my dad used to play tag, he'd drive!
Rodney Dangerfield
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When we got married my wife told me I was one in a million. I found out she was right.
Rodney Dangerfield
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When it comes to sex, at my age I like threesomes. In case one of us dies.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Time and tide and hookers wait for no man.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I tell ya, southern people, they always think you are hard-of-hearing. Every timr you leave they say to you, You come back, you hear? And southern people, they think you are horny too. You get directions, they say, Just up the road apiece.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I come from a stupid family. My father worked in a bank. They caught him stealing pens.
Rodney Dangerfield
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My wife she's fat. Why, if she lost a few pounds, she'd be perfectly round.
Rodney Dangerfield
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For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I figured out I'm bisexual. I have sex twice a year.
Rodney Dangerfield