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my wifes cooking is so bad the flys fix our screens

Rodney Dangerfield

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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Screens
Cooking

More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

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With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, How can I get my kite in the air? He told me to run off a cliff.
Rodney Dangerfield
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This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
Rodney Dangerfield
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You take care and I hope I'll run into you - when I'm driving.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Sure I smoked pot in hospital. My wife won't let me toke at home.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Me and my dad used to play tag, he'd drive!
Rodney Dangerfield
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A hooker once told me she had a headache.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
Rodney Dangerfield
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It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I tell ya, my wife's a lousy cook. After dinner, I don't brush my teeth. I count them.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I was an ugly child. I got lost on the beach. I asked a cop if he could find my parents. He said, 'I don't know. There's lots of places for them to hide'.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
Rodney Dangerfield
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With sex my wife thinks twice before she turns me down. Yeah, once in the morning and once at night.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I come from a stupid family. My father worked in a bank. They caught him stealing pens.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice. I don't know if I'm coming or going.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I recently had double-bypass surgery. As they wheel you in, the doctor always gives you a last look. You know that look. That look of confidence to make you feel good. I always say to every doctor, If I don't make it, I'll never know it.
Rodney Dangerfield
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People ask if I can get it up in the morning. I tell them are you kidding I'm envious of a stiff wind.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I once met a beautiful, proper English girl. I bid her adieu.... she bid me a don't.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Time and tide and hookers wait for no man.
Rodney Dangerfield