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my wifes cooking is so bad the flys fix our screens

Rodney Dangerfield

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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Screens
Cooking

More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

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She was so fat that her belly button makes an echo.
Rodney Dangerfield
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At my age I'm envious of a stiff wind.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I tell ya when I fly, I don't get no respect. I took one of those cheap flights, no frills. I finished eatin' and had to do the dishes.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I was an ugly kid when I was born, after the doctor cut the cord, he hung himself.
Rodney Dangerfield
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When I was a kid, I never went to Disneyland. My ol' man told me Mickey Mouse died in a cancer experiment.
Rodney Dangerfield
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When I go to a nude beach, I always take a ruler, just in case I have to prove something.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was poor. I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I tell ya, I know the best way to get girls. I hang out at women's prisons, and wait for parolees.
Rodney Dangerfield
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A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.
Rodney Dangerfield
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What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all.
Rodney Dangerfield
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My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
Rodney Dangerfield
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She was so ugly that her face could stop a sundial.
Rodney Dangerfield
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A sense of humor is rare. It isn't telling a joke about how there are three ways to get to heaven. It's being in a restaurant and hearing someone say, Everyone's got their tale of woe, and then turning around and saying, Unfortunately, in life, there's more woe than tail.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I joined gamblers anon., they gave me 2 to 1 I wouldn't make it! I joined AA, there was a two drink minimum!
Rodney Dangerfield
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My sex life is like shooting pool with a rope!
Rodney Dangerfield
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Dad told me to stop running in circles, I couldn't, so he nailed down my other foot!
Rodney Dangerfield
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With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.
Rodney Dangerfield