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my wifes cooking is so bad the flys fix our screens

Rodney Dangerfield

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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Screens
Cooking

More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

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My old man never liked me. He gave me my allowance in traveler's checks.
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Time and tide and hookers wait for no man.
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During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me… Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
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I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the west.
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At certain times I like sex - like after a cigarette.
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Don't talk about yourself so much...we'll do that when you leave.
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I'll tell you one thing, I know how to satisfy my wife in bed, yeah, I leave.
Rodney Dangerfield
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They say love thy neighbor as thy self , what am I supposed to do jerk him off too?
Rodney Dangerfield
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I say 'no' to drugs. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs I say, 'no.
Rodney Dangerfield
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You don't know who to believe. Like Abraham Lincoln. He said all men were created equal. He never went to a nude beach.
Rodney Dangerfield
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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
Rodney Dangerfield
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My wife she's fat. Why, if she lost a few pounds, she'd be perfectly round.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I tell ya, I know the best way to get girls. I hang out at women's prisons, and wait for parolees.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Life is full of temporary situations, ultimately ending in a permanent solution.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I tell ya, my wife's a lousy cook. After dinner, I don't brush my teeth. I count them.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Well with girls I don't get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the corner. A girl walked by. I said Are you Louise? She said, Are you Rodney? I said, Yeah. She said, I'm not Louise.
Rodney Dangerfield
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[on 8/24/04, before entering a Los Angeles hospital for heart valve replacement surgery] If things go right, I'll be there about a week, and if things don't go right, I'll be there about an hour and a half.
Rodney Dangerfield
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His breath is so bad why every time he smokes he blows onion rings.
Rodney Dangerfield
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They took a survey: Why do men get up in the middle of the night? Ten percent get up to go to the bathroom and 90 percent get up to go home.
Rodney Dangerfield