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my wifes cooking is so bad the flys fix our screens

Rodney Dangerfield

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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Screens
Cooking

More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

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When we got married my wife told me I was one in a million. I found out she was right.
Rodney Dangerfield
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When I told my wife she was lousy in bed - she went out - she got a second opinion.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
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I'm a downer. I've been depressed my whole life. Figure it out.
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What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!
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Me and my dad used to play tag, he'd drive!
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I shouldn't tell jokes about my wife. she's attached to a machine that keeps her alive... The refrigerator.
Rodney Dangerfield
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She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up.
Rodney Dangerfield
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What a dog I got. Last night he went on the paper four times - three while I was reading it.
Rodney Dangerfield
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My wife was afraid of the dark. Then she saw me naked, and now she's afraid of the light.
Rodney Dangerfield
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When I was a kid I got no respect. I told my mother, I'm gonna run away from home. She said, On your mark.
Rodney Dangerfield
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My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.
Rodney Dangerfield
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During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me… Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I come from a stupid family. My uncle heard that most deaths occurs within ten miles of the house...so he moved.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.
Rodney Dangerfield
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My old man never liked me. He gave me my allowance in traveler's checks.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I am the world's oldest teenager. I've never lost my youthful attitude.
Rodney Dangerfield
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With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave.
Rodney Dangerfield
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When I was a kid I got no respect. When I went on the roller coaster, my old man told me to stand up straight.
Rodney Dangerfield
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My ex-wife is a water sign and I'm an earth sign. Together we made mud.
Rodney Dangerfield