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my wifes cooking is so bad the flys fix our screens

Rodney Dangerfield

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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Cooking
Screens

More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

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She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up.
Rodney Dangerfield
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My kids scotch tape worms to the sidewalk and watch the birds get hernias.
Rodney Dangerfield
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What a childhood I had. Once on my birthday my ol' man gave me a bat. The first day I played with it, it flew away.
Rodney Dangerfield
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A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Man, who don't like spaghetti?
Rodney Dangerfield
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One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!
Rodney Dangerfield
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I asked my wife if she would put out the garbage. she said why should I you never put out for me.
Rodney Dangerfield
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When I go to a nude beach, I always take a ruler, just in case I have to prove something.
Rodney Dangerfield
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When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, Look, twins!
Rodney Dangerfield
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My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
Rodney Dangerfield
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My wife has cut our lovemaking down to once a month, but I know two guys she's cut out entirely.
Rodney Dangerfield
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She was so ugly that I took her to a dog show and she won first prize.
Rodney Dangerfield
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My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.
Rodney Dangerfield
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The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I say 'no' to drugs. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs I say, 'no.
Rodney Dangerfield
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If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong.
Rodney Dangerfield
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A hooker once told me she had a headache.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I tell ya, southern people, they always think you are hard-of-hearing. Every timr you leave they say to you, You come back, you hear? And southern people, they think you are horny too. You get directions, they say, Just up the road apiece.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I tell ya, I knew my morning wasn't going right. When I put on my shirt the button fell off, when I picked up my briefcase, the handle fell off, I tell ya, I was afraid to go to the bathroom.
Rodney Dangerfield
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A man in the crowd asks: Hey Rodney, how'd you get started? Rodney: I was 12 years old, alone in my room, and I got started!
Rodney Dangerfield