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My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Fronts
Front
Watches
Doctor
Watch
Alcohol
Drink
Mirror
Told
Mirrors
Doctors
Drinking
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave.
Rodney Dangerfield
His breath is so bad why every time he smokes he blows onion rings.
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I know I'm not sexy. In high school I was voted Most Likely to Masturbate.
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My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.
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When I told my wife she was lousy in bed - she went out - she got a second opinion.
Rodney Dangerfield
What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
Rodney Dangerfield
One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!
Rodney Dangerfield
I bought a new book, '100 new ways to make love'. I ended up in traction - it was a misprint.
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My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.
Rodney Dangerfield
I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, Are you going to hate yourself in the morning? She said, No, I hate myself now.
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She was so ugly that I took her to a dog show and she won first prize.
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I have three kids, one of each.
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I tell ya, it's tough to save a buck. Right now I'm supporting two fighters. My wife and her mother.
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Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.
Rodney Dangerfield
People ask if I can get it up in the morning. I tell them are you kidding I'm envious of a stiff wind.
Rodney Dangerfield
I'd like to get some new clothes, but I can't find a Big and Short store.
Rodney Dangerfield
My sex life is terrible my wife put a mirror over the dog's bed. Actually she did put a mirror over our bed. She says she likes to watch herself laugh.
Rodney Dangerfield
I get no respect... I tell you, when I was born, the doctor smacked my mother
Rodney Dangerfield
You don't know who to believe. Like Abraham Lincoln. He said all men were created equal. He never went to a nude beach.
Rodney Dangerfield
