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My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Fronts
Front
Watches
Doctor
Watch
Alcohol
Drink
Mirror
Told
Mirrors
Doctors
Drinking
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I'm sitting on top of the world, and I've got hemorrhoids.
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When it comes to sex, at my age I like threesomes. In case one of us dies.
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With my wife I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.
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I once dated a girl that was wild. She was so wild that one night she gave her phone number to the mechanical bull.
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When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
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My wife is so fat that when she lays on the beach the people feel sorry for her and try to roll her back into the water.
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At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't.
Rodney Dangerfield
If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.
Rodney Dangerfield
A man in the crowd asks: Hey Rodney, how'd you get started? Rodney: I was 12 years old, alone in my room, and I got started!
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I am the world's oldest teenager. I've never lost my youthful attitude.
Rodney Dangerfield
I bought a new book, '100 new ways to make love'. I ended up in traction - it was a misprint.
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What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all.
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It's great to have gray hair. Ask anyone who's bald.
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When I told my wife she was lousy in bed - she went out - she got a second opinion.
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My old man never liked me. He gave me my allowance in traveler's checks.
Rodney Dangerfield
Comedy is a camouflage for depression.
Rodney Dangerfield
I have tried a little kinky stuff. A woman called me and said, 'I have mirrors all over my bedroom. Bring a bottle.' I brought Windex.
Rodney Dangerfield
I live in a bad neighborhood. Why, I saw two complete strangers share a taxi - yeah, one guy took the radio and the other guy took the tires.
Rodney Dangerfield
And my girlfriend, she's FAT! How fat? She's so fat she wears two watches-one for each time zone!
Rodney Dangerfield
I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, Are you going to hate yourself in the morning? She said, No, I hate myself now.
Rodney Dangerfield
