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My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Told
Mirrors
Doctors
Drinking
Fronts
Front
Watches
Doctor
Watch
Alcohol
Drink
Mirror
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
My mother used to rock me - and she used big rocks.
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When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names - hers and her mother's.
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My kid wants to be a prison warden when he grows up so he can put thumb tacks on the electric chairs.
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I'm getting so old my insurance company sends me 1/2 a calendar!
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I tell ya when I fly, I don't get no respect. I took one of those cheap flights, no frills. I finished eatin' and had to do the dishes.
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I tell ya, I know the best way to get girls. I hang out at women's prisons, and wait for parolees.
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My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
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I come from a stupid family. My father worked in a bank. They caught him stealing pens.
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She was so ugly that her face could stop a sundial.
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I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.
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My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.
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I once had a problem ... so I tried group sex. Now I have a new problem - who to thank.
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I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.
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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
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He who laughs last didn't get it in the first place.
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My wife has to be the worst cook. I don't believe meatloaf should glow in the dark
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I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
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I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
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Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'
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I bought a new book, '100 new ways to make love'. I ended up in traction - it was a misprint.
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