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My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Doctors
Drinking
Fronts
Front
Watches
Doctor
Watch
Alcohol
Drink
Mirror
Told
Mirrors
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
She was so fat that her belly button makes an echo.
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To give you an idea how well I was doing at the time I quit, I was the only one who knew I quit.
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I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.
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One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.
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Comedy is a camouflage for depression.
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I asked my wife, 'On a scale of 1 to 10, how do you rate me as a lover?' She said, 'You know I'm no good at fractions.'
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I asked my wife if she would put out the garbage. she said why should I you never put out for me.
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With my wife I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.
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Guy goes into a bar with a duck under his arm. Bartender says, Where'd you get the pig? Guy says, This is a duck. Bartender says, I was talking to the duck.
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Never guess your wife's size. Just buy anything marked petite and hold on to the receipt.
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My mother used to rock me - and she used big rocks.
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I can't get no respect.
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Oh, when I was a kid, I was poor. Christmas, I got no presents. Well, there was one Christmas, on our front lawn - Prancer and Dancer - they dropped off a little something.
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My sex life is like shooting pool with a rope!
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If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.
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All my wife and I do is fight about sex. The other night, we really had it out. Well, I'll put it this way - I had it out.
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My wife is so fat that when she lays on the beach the people feel sorry for her and try to roll her back into the water.
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I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice. I don't know if I'm coming or going.
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What a dog I got, he found out we look alike, so he killed himself.
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My childhood was bad. No father. Mother was greedy and brought me up awful - never made me breakfast once. I don't want to get started. One story is worse than another.
Rodney Dangerfield
