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I say 'no' to drugs. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs I say, 'no.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Drugs
Whenever
Drug
Asks
Someone
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.
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You wanna have laughs? Do what I do. When I go through a tollbooth, I keep going. I tell the guy, The car behind me is paying for two.
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A homeless guy came up to me on the street, said he hadn't eaten in four days. I told him, Man, I wish I had your willpower.
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I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.
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I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar.
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She was so ugly that I took her to a dog show and she won first prize.
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If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.
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During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me… Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
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I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the west.
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My wife is so fat that the last time I saw something that big it was grazing.
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I tell ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her if I could give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek - she bent over!
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I don't get no respect
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When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again.
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I'm getting so old my insurance company sends me 1/2 a calendar!
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This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
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I don't get no respect. I called Suicide Prevention. They tried to talk me into it.
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At certain times I like sex - like after a cigarette.
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I'm sitting on top of the world, and I've got hemorrhoids.
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With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
Rodney Dangerfield
One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her you cooked it, you take it out.
Rodney Dangerfield
