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I say 'no' to drugs. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs I say, 'no.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Drugs
Whenever
Drug
Asks
Someone
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.
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My sex life is terrible my wife put a mirror over the dog's bed. Actually she did put a mirror over our bed. She says she likes to watch herself laugh.
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My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.
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Oh, when I was a kid, I was poor. Christmas, I got no presents. Well, there was one Christmas, on our front lawn - Prancer and Dancer - they dropped off a little something.
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You don't know who to believe. Like Abraham Lincoln. He said all men were created equal. He never went to a nude beach.
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When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
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At certain times I like sex - like after a cigarette.
Rodney Dangerfield
With my wife I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.
Rodney Dangerfield
Never guess your wife's size. Just buy anything marked petite and hold on to the receipt.
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I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.
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I am the world's oldest teenager. I've never lost my youthful attitude.
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I tell ya, southern people, they always think you are hard-of-hearing. Every timr you leave they say to you, You come back, you hear? And southern people, they think you are horny too. You get directions, they say, Just up the road apiece.
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My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.
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My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.
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Time and tide and hookers wait for no man.
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I can't get no respect.
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I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, Wait til it gets warmer.
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I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn't enough.
Rodney Dangerfield
It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.
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I come from a stupid family. My uncle heard that most deaths occurs within ten miles of the house...so he moved.
Rodney Dangerfield
