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I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Humor
Knife
Wasn
Pulled
Knew
Knives
Came
Neighborhood
Guy
Witty
Funny
Professional
Real
Tough
Crime
Butter
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
He found a new way to cover up his bad breath. He holds up his arms.
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What a childhood I had. Once on my birthday my ol' man gave me a bat. The first day I played with it, it flew away.
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It's great to have gray hair. Ask anyone who's bald.
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I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, Are you going to hate yourself in the morning? She said, No, I hate myself now.
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For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.
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I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
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I was an ugly child. I got lost on the beach. I asked a cop if he could find my parents. He said, 'I don't know. There's lots of places for them to hide'.
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My wife has to be the worst cook. I don't believe meatloaf should glow in the dark
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I tell ya, I knew my morning wasn't going right. When I put on my shirt the button fell off, when I picked up my briefcase, the handle fell off, I tell ya, I was afraid to go to the bathroom.
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What a dog I got, he found out we look alike, so he killed himself.
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Oh, when I was a kid, I was poor. Christmas, I got no presents. Well, there was one Christmas, on our front lawn - Prancer and Dancer - they dropped off a little something.
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It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won't drink from my glass.
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My son's an idiot. He sprained his ankle playing golf. He fell off the ballwasher.
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One time my whole family played hide and seek. They found my mother in Pittsburgh!
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She was old too, when she went to school they didn't have history.
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What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!
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my wifes cooking is so bad the flys fix our screens
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My kid wants to be a prison warden when he grows up so he can put thumb tacks on the electric chairs.
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One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!
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I've never been lucky. The day my ship came in, I was at the airport.
Rodney Dangerfield
