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I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Real
Tough
Crime
Butter
Humor
Knife
Wasn
Pulled
Knew
Knives
Came
Neighborhood
Guy
Witty
Funny
Professional
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
You take care and I hope I'll run into you - when I'm driving.
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She was so fat that her belly button makes an echo.
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My kid wants to be a prison warden when he grows up so he can put thumb tacks on the electric chairs.
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I say 'no' to drugs. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs I say, 'no.
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My wife she's fat. Why, if she lost a few pounds, she'd be perfectly round.
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I tell ya, I know the best way to get girls. I hang out at women's prisons, and wait for parolees.
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I asked my wife if she would put out the garbage. she said why should I you never put out for me.
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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
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I have tried a little kinky stuff. A woman called me and said, 'I have mirrors all over my bedroom. Bring a bottle.' I brought Windex.
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When I was forty, I was getting divorced, living in a low-class, dirty hotel in New York. My mother was dying of cancer. I owed $20,000. That was about the lowest. I came back to show business, and I couldn't get a job. I was turned down by every small-time agent in New York.
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Hey, did somebody step on a duck?
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They say love thy neighbor as thy self , what am I supposed to do jerk him off too?
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A sense of humor is rare. It isn't telling a joke about how there are three ways to get to heaven. It's being in a restaurant and hearing someone say, Everyone's got their tale of woe, and then turning around and saying, Unfortunately, in life, there's more woe than tail.
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She was so fat that her clothes are made by Omar the tent maker.
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She was so fat that her bikini is made out of two bed sheets (king-size).
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I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.
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Comedy is a camouflage for depression.
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I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
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When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, Look, twins!
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My ex-wife is a water sign and I'm an earth sign. Together we made mud.
Rodney Dangerfield
