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I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Came
Neighborhood
Guy
Witty
Funny
Professional
Real
Tough
Crime
Butter
Humor
Knife
Wasn
Pulled
Knew
Knives
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I tell ya, gambling never agreed with me. Last week I went to the track and they shot my horse with the opening gun.
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At my age I'm envious of a stiff wind.
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Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
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If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.
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She was old too, when she went to school they didn't have history.
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When it comes to sex, at my age I like threesomes. In case one of us dies.
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What a childhood I had. Once on my birthday my ol' man gave me a bat. The first day I played with it, it flew away.
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My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
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My ex-wife is a water sign and I'm an earth sign. Together we made mud.
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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
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I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
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I was an ugly child. I got lost on the beach. I asked a cop if he could find my parents. He said, 'I don't know. There's lots of places for them to hide'.
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They say love thy neighbor as thy self , what am I supposed to do jerk him off too?
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Oh, when I was a kid, I was poor. Christmas, I got no presents. Well, there was one Christmas, on our front lawn - Prancer and Dancer - they dropped off a little something.
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Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.
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A hooker once told me she had a headache.
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My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
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All my wife and I do is fight about sex. The other night, we really had it out. Well, I'll put it this way - I had it out.
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She was so fat that her belly button makes an echo.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. When I went on the roller coaster, my old man told me to stand up straight.
Rodney Dangerfield
