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My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Funny
Keep
Garbage
Trying
Humor
Always
Already
Told
Comedy
Wife
Eye
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I tell ya, I knew my morning wasn't going right. When I put on my shirt the button fell off, when I picked up my briefcase, the handle fell off, I tell ya, I was afraid to go to the bathroom.
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I asked him Who said you could fool around with my wife he said everybody.
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During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me… Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
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[on 8/24/04, before entering a Los Angeles hospital for heart valve replacement surgery] If things go right, I'll be there about a week, and if things don't go right, I'll be there about an hour and a half.
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I'm sitting on top of the world, and I've got hemorrhoids.
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What a childhood I had. My parents sent me to a child psychiatrist. The kid didn't help me at all.
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At Christmas time we couldn't afford tinsel, so we'd wait till grandpa sneezed.
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I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar.
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I once met a beautiful, proper English girl. I bid her adieu.... she bid me a don't.
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I asked my wife if she would put out the garbage. she said why should I you never put out for me.
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Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing happened, so I said to her, 'What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?'
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My old man never liked me. He gave me my allowance in traveler's checks.
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You know you're old when your family talk about you in front of you. What are we going to do with Pop? We have company tonight.
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I say 'no' to drugs. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs I say, 'no.
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You take care and I hope I'll run into you - when I'm driving.
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For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.
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I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
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Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was poor. I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
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I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice. I don't know if I'm coming or going.
Rodney Dangerfield
