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Life is just a bowl of pits.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Bowls
Humor
Success
Funny
Life
Pits
Bowl
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I tell ya, I knew my morning wasn't going right. When I put on my shirt the button fell off, when I picked up my briefcase, the handle fell off, I tell ya, I was afraid to go to the bathroom.
Rodney Dangerfield
I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar.
Rodney Dangerfield
With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, How can I get my kite in the air? He told me to run off a cliff.
Rodney Dangerfield
I tell ya when I fly, I don't get no respect. I took one of those cheap flights, no frills. I finished eatin' and had to do the dishes.
Rodney Dangerfield
I come home from work early one day, and I see a guy jogging down the street in his underwear. I ask him, Why are you jogging in your underwear? He says, You came home from work early.
Rodney Dangerfield
To give you an idea how well I was doing at the time I quit, I was the only one who knew I quit.
Rodney Dangerfield
I'm getting so old my insurance company sends me 1/2 a calendar!
Rodney Dangerfield
I got myself good this morning too. I did my pushups in the nude, I didn't see the mouse trap.
Rodney Dangerfield
My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good.
Rodney Dangerfield
A man in the crowd asks: Hey Rodney, how'd you get started? Rodney: I was 12 years old, alone in my room, and I got started!
Rodney Dangerfield
When I go to a nude beach, I always take a ruler, just in case I have to prove something.
Rodney Dangerfield
I was an ugly child. I got lost on the beach. I asked a cop if he could find my parents. He said, 'I don't know. There's lots of places for them to hide'.
Rodney Dangerfield
I know I'm not sexy. In high school I was voted Most Likely to Masturbate.
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife has cut our lovemaking down to once a month, but I know two guys she's cut out entirely.
Rodney Dangerfield
The shape I'm in, I could donate my body to science fiction.
Rodney Dangerfield
When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again.
Rodney Dangerfield
She was so ugly that I took her to a dog show and she won first prize.
Rodney Dangerfield
My cousin is gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.
Rodney Dangerfield
I asked my old man if I could go ice-skating on the lake. He told me, Wait til it gets warmer.
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife was afraid of the dark. Then she saw me naked, and now she's afraid of the light.
Rodney Dangerfield
