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My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Wife
Made
Mousse
Antlers
Cook
Cooks
Chocolate
Throat
Stuck
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I tell ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her if I could give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek - she bent over!
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
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[on 8/24/04, before entering a Los Angeles hospital for heart valve replacement surgery] If things go right, I'll be there about a week, and if things don't go right, I'll be there about an hour and a half.
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It was the same thing in the army, no respect. They gave me a uniform that glowed in the dark.
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I tell ya when I fly, I don't get no respect. I took one of those cheap flights, no frills. I finished eatin' and had to do the dishes.
Rodney Dangerfield
We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
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My wife she's fat. Why, if she lost a few pounds, she'd be perfectly round.
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Never guess your wife's size. Just buy anything marked petite and hold on to the receipt.
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My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
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A sense of humor is rare. It isn't telling a joke about how there are three ways to get to heaven. It's being in a restaurant and hearing someone say, Everyone's got their tale of woe, and then turning around and saying, Unfortunately, in life, there's more woe than tail.
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I know I'm not sexy. In high school I was voted Most Likely to Masturbate.
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With my wife I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.
Rodney Dangerfield
I once dated a girl that was wild. She was so wild that one night she gave her phone number to the mechanical bull.
Rodney Dangerfield
I tell ya, I know the best way to get girls. I hang out at women's prisons, and wait for parolees.
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With my old man I got no respect. He told me never take candy from a stranger unless he offered me a ride.
Rodney Dangerfield
I joined gamblers anon., they gave me 2 to 1 I wouldn't make it! I joined AA, there was a two drink minimum!
Rodney Dangerfield
I once met a beautiful, proper English girl. I bid her adieu.... she bid me a don't.
Rodney Dangerfield
I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.
Rodney Dangerfield
When I was a kid I got no respect. I had no friends. I remember the see-saw. I had to keep runnin' from one end to the other.
Rodney Dangerfield
