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My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Chocolate
Throat
Stuck
Wife
Made
Mousse
Antlers
Cook
Cooks
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My car broke down just the other day, I called triple A, they came and towed me away!
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I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the west.
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I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
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During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me… Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
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I told my dentist I want a tooth to match the others. He gave my one with four cavities.
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If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.
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A hooker once told me she had a headache.
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I tell ya, gambling never agreed with me. Last week I went to the track and they shot my horse with the opening gun.
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When I was forty, I was getting divorced, living in a low-class, dirty hotel in New York. My mother was dying of cancer. I owed $20,000. That was about the lowest. I came back to show business, and I couldn't get a job. I was turned down by every small-time agent in New York.
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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His breath is so bad why every time he smokes he blows onion rings.
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People ask if I can get it up in the morning. I tell them are you kidding I'm envious of a stiff wind.
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My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
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My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good.
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When it comes to sex, at my age I like threesomes. In case one of us dies.
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Comedy is a camouflage for depression.
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I said to a girl I'd been seeing, come home with me, honey, and I'll show you where it's at. She said, You'd better, because the last time I could'nt find it.
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