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My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Cook
Cooks
Chocolate
Throat
Stuck
Wife
Made
Mousse
Antlers
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
My childhood was bad. No father. Mother was greedy and brought me up awful - never made me breakfast once. I don't want to get started. One story is worse than another.
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With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave.
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I have three kids, one of each.
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I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
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My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
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I'm getting so old my insurance company sends me 1/2 a calendar!
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My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.
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I told my kids, Someday, you'll have kids of your own. One of them said, So will you.
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The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it.
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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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I figured out I'm bisexual. I have sex twice a year.
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My son's an idiot. He sprained his ankle playing golf. He fell off the ballwasher.
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One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.
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I get no respect... I tell you, when I was born, the doctor smacked my mother
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My kid wants to be a prison warden when he grows up so he can put thumb tacks on the electric chairs.
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A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.
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When I was forty, I was getting divorced, living in a low-class, dirty hotel in New York. My mother was dying of cancer. I owed $20,000. That was about the lowest. I came back to show business, and I couldn't get a job. I was turned down by every small-time agent in New York.
Rodney Dangerfield
What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!
Rodney Dangerfield
I tell ya, my wife's a lousy cook. After dinner, I don't brush my teeth. I count them.
Rodney Dangerfield
