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My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Stuck
Wife
Made
Mousse
Antlers
Cook
Cooks
Chocolate
Throat
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When I told my wife she was lousy in bed - she went out - she got a second opinion.
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I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There MUST be.'
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At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't.
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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
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With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
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They took a survey: Why do men get up in the middle of the night? Ten percent get up to go to the bathroom and 90 percent get up to go home.
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I tell ya, I know the best way to get girls. I hang out at women's prisons, and wait for parolees.
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I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.
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His breath is so bad why every time he smokes he blows onion rings.
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When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
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I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, Are you going to hate yourself in the morning? She said, No, I hate myself now.
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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
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All my wife and I do is fight about sex. The other night, we really had it out. Well, I'll put it this way - I had it out.
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On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
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Never guess your wife's size. Just buy anything marked petite and hold on to the receipt.
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Oh, I was an ugly kid. My old man took me to the zoo. They thanked him for returning me.
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Group sex, are you kidding, I had group sex - my wife screwed in front of the jury.
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What a childhood I had. Once on my birthday my ol' man gave me a bat. The first day I played with it, it flew away.
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