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My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Wife
Mousse
Made
Antlers
Cook
Cooks
Chocolate
Throat
Stuck
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
My sex life is terrible my wife put a mirror over the dog's bed. Actually she did put a mirror over our bed. She says she likes to watch herself laugh.
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I don't get no respect. I called Suicide Prevention. They tried to talk me into it.
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Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
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Guy goes into a bar with a duck under his arm. Bartender says, Where'd you get the pig? Guy says, This is a duck. Bartender says, I was talking to the duck.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again.
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I'll tell you one thing, I know how to satisfy my wife in bed, yeah, I leave.
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You know you're old when your family talk about you in front of you. What are we going to do with Pop? We have company tonight.
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Never guess your wife's size. Just buy anything marked petite and hold on to the receipt.
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I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.
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When I go to a nude beach, I always take a ruler, just in case I have to prove something.
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I tell ya when I fly, I don't get no respect. I took one of those cheap flights, no frills. I finished eatin' and had to do the dishes.
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I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
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He who laughs last didn't get it in the first place.
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I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is don't tell the butcher!
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My cousin is gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.
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She was so fat that her bikini is made out of two bed sheets (king-size).
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At my age I'm envious of a stiff wind.
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She was so fat that her bathtub has stretch marks.
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My son's an idiot. He sprained his ankle playing golf. He fell off the ballwasher.
Rodney Dangerfield
My childhood was bad. No father. Mother was greedy and brought me up awful - never made me breakfast once. I don't want to get started. One story is worse than another.
Rodney Dangerfield
