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My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Cook
Cooks
Chocolate
Throat
Stuck
Wife
Made
Mousse
Antlers
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
When I was a kid I got no respect. I had no friends. I remember the see-saw. I had to keep runnin' from one end to the other.
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.
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Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe.
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They took a survey: Why do men get up in the middle of the night? Ten percent get up to go to the bathroom and 90 percent get up to go home.
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At Christmas time we couldn't afford tinsel, so we'd wait till grandpa sneezed.
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I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is don't tell the butcher!
Rodney Dangerfield
I come home from work early one day, and I see a guy jogging down the street in his underwear. I ask him, Why are you jogging in your underwear? He says, You came home from work early.
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Me and my dad used to play tag, he'd drive!
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My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.
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I get no respect... I tell you, when I was born, the doctor smacked my mother
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When we got married my wife told me I was one in a million. I found out she was right.
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I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn't enough.
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His breath is so bad why every time he smokes he blows onion rings.
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I say 'no' to drugs. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs I say, 'no.
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My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
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One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!
Rodney Dangerfield
When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
Rodney Dangerfield
I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
Rodney Dangerfield
I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.
Rodney Dangerfield
