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One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Years
Poster
Posters
Birth
Asked
Boys
Comedy
Control
Year
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I was an ugly kid when I was born, after the doctor cut the cord, he hung himself.
Rodney Dangerfield
I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, Are you going to hate yourself in the morning? She said, No, I hate myself now.
Rodney Dangerfield
When I was forty, I was getting divorced, living in a low-class, dirty hotel in New York. My mother was dying of cancer. I owed $20,000. That was about the lowest. I came back to show business, and I couldn't get a job. I was turned down by every small-time agent in New York.
Rodney Dangerfield
I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife is so fat that the last time I saw something that big it was grazing.
Rodney Dangerfield
Guy goes into a bar with a duck under his arm. Bartender says, Where'd you get the pig? Guy says, This is a duck. Bartender says, I was talking to the duck.
Rodney Dangerfield
It's lonely on the top when there's no one on the bottom.
Rodney Dangerfield
When I go to a nude beach, I always take a ruler, just in case I have to prove something.
Rodney Dangerfield
School is a place were you go to eat your lunch
Rodney Dangerfield
He who laughs last didn't get it in the first place.
Rodney Dangerfield
Comedy is a camouflage for depression.
Rodney Dangerfield
When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names - hers and her mother's.
Rodney Dangerfield
Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'
Rodney Dangerfield
I have three kids, one of each.
Rodney Dangerfield
You wanna have laughs? Do what I do. When I go through a tollbooth, I keep going. I tell the guy, The car behind me is paying for two.
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife has cut our lovemaking down to once a month, but I know two guys she's cut out entirely.
Rodney Dangerfield
Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was poor. I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.
Rodney Dangerfield
Better to keep quiet and let people think you're an idiot than speak up and confirm it.
Rodney Dangerfield
At Christmas time we couldn't afford tinsel, so we'd wait till grandpa sneezed.
Rodney Dangerfield
I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn't enough.
Rodney Dangerfield