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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Birds
Bird
Humor
Told
Comedy
Butcher
Wife
Butchers
Funny
Bees
Kids
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her you cooked it, you take it out.
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I'm sitting on top of the world, and I've got hemorrhoids.
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My kid wants to be a prison warden when he grows up so he can put thumb tacks on the electric chairs.
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I know I'm not sexy. In high school I was voted Most Likely to Masturbate.
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My wife made me join a bridge club... I jump off next Tuesday.
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I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
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I figured out I'm bisexual. I have sex twice a year.
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At my age I'm envious of a stiff wind.
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My childhood was bad. No father. Mother was greedy and brought me up awful - never made me breakfast once. I don't want to get started. One story is worse than another.
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My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good.
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When it comes to sex, at my age I like threesomes. In case one of us dies.
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She was so fat that her bathtub has stretch marks.
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A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.
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She was so fat that her clothes are made by Omar the tent maker.
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Well with girls I don't get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the corner. A girl walked by. I said Are you Louise? She said, Are you Rodney? I said, Yeah. She said, I'm not Louise.
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With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, How can I get my kite in the air? He told me to run off a cliff.
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My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
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I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor they sent a priest up to talk to me and he said, ' On your mark...'
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If you could learn to make love, I could fire the chauffer.
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I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
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