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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Yeah
Rocks
Marriage
Wife
Funny
Boyfriend
Cute
Broke
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't.
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Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.
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It's lonely on the top when there's no one on the bottom.
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To give you an idea how well I was doing at the time I quit, I was the only one who knew I quit.
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I once met a beautiful, proper English girl. I bid her adieu.... she bid me a don't.
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At Christmas time we couldn't afford tinsel, so we'd wait till grandpa sneezed.
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What a dog I got. Last night he went on the paper four times - three while I was reading it.
Rodney Dangerfield
I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn't enough.
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Comedy is a camouflage for depression.
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One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her you cooked it, you take it out.
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He found a new way to cover up his bad breath. He holds up his arms.
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I've never been lucky. The day my ship came in, I was at the airport.
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I told my kids, Someday, you'll have kids of your own. One of them said, So will you.
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I tell ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her if I could give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek - she bent over!
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I don't get no respect
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My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
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A man in the crowd asks: Hey Rodney, how'd you get started? Rodney: I was 12 years old, alone in my room, and I got started!
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I tell ya, southern people, they always think you are hard-of-hearing. Every timr you leave they say to you, You come back, you hear? And southern people, they think you are horny too. You get directions, they say, Just up the road apiece.
Rodney Dangerfield
I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
Rodney Dangerfield
I told my wife a man is like wine, he gets better with age. She locked me in the cellar.
Rodney Dangerfield
