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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Rocks
Marriage
Wife
Funny
Boyfriend
Cute
Broke
Yeah
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
Life is just a bowl of pits.
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I can't get no respect.
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At Christmas time I sat on Santa's lap. His fly was open ! Boy what a present he gave me !
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A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.
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Oh, when I was a kid, I was poor. Christmas, I got no presents. Well, there was one Christmas, on our front lawn - Prancer and Dancer - they dropped off a little something.
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Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide', and he told me from now I have to pay in advance.
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I tell ya, southern people, they always think you are hard-of-hearing. Every timr you leave they say to you, You come back, you hear? And southern people, they think you are horny too. You get directions, they say, Just up the road apiece.
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I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.
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I tell ya, gambling never agreed with me. Last week I went to the track and they shot my horse with the opening gun.
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My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
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It was the same thing in the army, no respect. They gave me a uniform that glowed in the dark.
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A sense of humor is rare. It isn't telling a joke about how there are three ways to get to heaven. It's being in a restaurant and hearing someone say, Everyone's got their tale of woe, and then turning around and saying, Unfortunately, in life, there's more woe than tail.
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I asked my wife, 'Is there somebody else?' She said, 'There MUST be.'
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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
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I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice. I don't know if I'm coming or going.
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I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the west.
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I'm a downer. I've been depressed my whole life. Figure it out.
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He who laughs last didn't get it in the first place.
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My sex life is terrible my wife put a mirror over the dog's bed. Actually she did put a mirror over our bed. She says she likes to watch herself laugh.
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At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he know he can't.
Rodney Dangerfield
