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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Marriage
Wife
Funny
Boyfriend
Cute
Broke
Yeah
Rocks
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I told my wife 'hey honey come on, let's make love like the old days.' She asked me for 50 bucks.
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Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.
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With my old man I got no respect. He told me never take candy from a stranger unless he offered me a ride.
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I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.
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My sex life is like shooting pool with a rope!
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We were poor. we were so poor, in my neighborhood the rainbow was in black-and-white.
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One day as I came home early, I saw a man jogging naked. I said to the guy, 'Hey, buddy, why are you doing that?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'
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It's great to have gray hair. Ask anyone who's bald.
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I was an ugly kid when I was born, after the doctor cut the cord, he hung himself.
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My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
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If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.
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My childhood was bad. No father. Mother was greedy and brought me up awful - never made me breakfast once. I don't want to get started. One story is worse than another.
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My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
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My wife is so fat that when she lays on the beach the people feel sorry for her and try to roll her back into the water.
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One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!
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I have tried a little kinky stuff. A woman called me and said, 'I have mirrors all over my bedroom. Bring a bottle.' I brought Windex.
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I asked my wife if she would put out the garbage. she said why should I you never put out for me.
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My wife is so fat that the last time I saw something that big it was grazing.
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With girls I get no respect. A belly dancer told me I turned her stomach.
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At certain times I like sex - like after a cigarette.
Rodney Dangerfield
