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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Marriage
Wife
Funny
Boyfriend
Cute
Broke
Yeah
Rocks
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead.
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All my wife and I do is fight about sex. The other night, we really had it out. Well, I'll put it this way - I had it out.
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I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.
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When I was a kid, I never went to Disneyland. My ol' man told me Mickey Mouse died in a cancer experiment.
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I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.
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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
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They took a survey: Why do men get up in the middle of the night? Ten percent get up to go to the bathroom and 90 percent get up to go home.
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I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
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My kids scotch tape worms to the sidewalk and watch the birds get hernias.
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My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
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We were poor. we were so poor, in my neighborhood the rainbow was in black-and-white.
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I once had a problem ... so I tried group sex. Now I have a new problem - who to thank.
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I come home from work early one day, and I see a guy jogging down the street in his underwear. I ask him, Why are you jogging in your underwear? He says, You came home from work early.
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My only thrill is self inflicted hickies.
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My son's an idiot. He sprained his ankle playing golf. He fell off the ballwasher.
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I am the world's oldest teenager. I've never lost my youthful attitude.
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My cousin is gay, in school while other kids were dissecting frog, he was opening flies.
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With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave.
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Group sex, are you kidding, I had group sex - my wife screwed in front of the jury.
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it.
Rodney Dangerfield
