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With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Ever
Toasts
Made
Waiter
Men
Joined
Birthday
Respect
Wife
Woman
Best
Toast
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I'd like to get some new clothes, but I can't find a Big and Short store.
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My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.
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When I was born the doctor took one look at my face, turned me over and said, Look, twins!
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A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.
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Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
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My wife was afraid of the dark. Then she saw me naked, and now she's afraid of the light.
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Oh, I was an ugly kid. My old man took me to the zoo. They thanked him for returning me.
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I come from a stupid family. My father worked in a bank. They caught him stealing pens.
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My old man never liked me. He gave me my allowance in traveler's checks.
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I asked him Who said you could fool around with my wife he said everybody.
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My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.
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The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it.
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With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave.
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[on 8/24/04, before entering a Los Angeles hospital for heart valve replacement surgery] If things go right, I'll be there about a week, and if things don't go right, I'll be there about an hour and a half.
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Man, who don't like spaghetti?
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I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
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Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe.
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My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
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You take care and I hope I'll run into you - when I'm driving.
Rodney Dangerfield
