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With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Birthday
Respect
Wife
Woman
Best
Toast
Ever
Toasts
Made
Waiter
Men
Joined
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.
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My car broke down just the other day, I called triple A, they came and towed me away!
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He who laughs last didn't get it in the first place.
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I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
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A sense of humor is rare. It isn't telling a joke about how there are three ways to get to heaven. It's being in a restaurant and hearing someone say, Everyone's got their tale of woe, and then turning around and saying, Unfortunately, in life, there's more woe than tail.
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It was the same thing in the army, no respect. They gave me a uniform that glowed in the dark.
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My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
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My sex life is terrible my wife put a mirror over the dog's bed. Actually she did put a mirror over our bed. She says she likes to watch herself laugh.
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Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. I had no friends. I remember the see-saw. I had to keep runnin' from one end to the other.
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My cousin is gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.
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My wife has teeth like the stars... they come out at night.
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I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is don't tell the butcher!
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I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said, Are you going to hate yourself in the morning? She said, No, I hate myself now.
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Life is just a bowl of pits.
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I know I'm not sexy. In high school I was voted Most Likely to Masturbate.
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My only thrill is self inflicted hickies.
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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I said to a girl I'd been seeing, come home with me, honey, and I'll show you where it's at. She said, You'd better, because the last time I could'nt find it.
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I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.
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