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With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Birthday
Respect
Wife
Woman
Best
Toast
Ever
Toasts
Made
Waiter
Men
Joined
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
My wife was afraid of the dark. Then she saw me naked, and now she's afraid of the light.
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My wife has to be the worst cook. I don't believe meatloaf should glow in the dark
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I shouldn't tell jokes about my wife. she's attached to a machine that keeps her alive... The refrigerator.
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I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor they sent a priest up to talk to me and he said, ' On your mark...'
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My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.
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To give you an idea how well I was doing at the time I quit, I was the only one who knew I quit.
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I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.
Rodney Dangerfield
I tell ya, I knew my morning wasn't going right. When I put on my shirt the button fell off, when I picked up my briefcase, the handle fell off, I tell ya, I was afraid to go to the bathroom.
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My wife has teeth like the stars... they come out at night.
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She was old too, when she went to school they didn't have history.
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What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.
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One day as I came home early, I saw a man jogging naked. I said to the guy, 'Hey, buddy, why are you doing that?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'
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Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe.
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I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
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Life is full of temporary situations, ultimately ending in a permanent solution.
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What a childhood I had. Once on my birthday my ol' man gave me a bat. The first day I played with it, it flew away.
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I was an ugly child. I got lost on the beach. I asked a cop if he could find my parents. He said, 'I don't know. There's lots of places for them to hide'.
Rodney Dangerfield
If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.
Rodney Dangerfield
Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
Rodney Dangerfield
It was the same thing in the army, no respect. They gave me a uniform that glowed in the dark.
Rodney Dangerfield
