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With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Best
Toast
Ever
Toasts
Made
Waiter
Men
Joined
Birthday
Respect
Wife
Woman
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I can't get no respect.
Rodney Dangerfield
I tell ya, gambling never agreed with me. Last week I went to the track and they shot my horse with the opening gun.
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The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it.
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My kid wants to be a prison warden when he grows up so he can put thumb tacks on the electric chairs.
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You know you're old when your family talk about you in front of you. What are we going to do with Pop? We have company tonight.
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My old man never liked me. He gave me my allowance in traveler's checks.
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My wife is so fat that when she lays on the beach the people feel sorry for her and try to roll her back into the water.
Rodney Dangerfield
Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
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With my wife I get no respect. I fell asleep with a cigarette in my hand. She lit it.
Rodney Dangerfield
I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
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What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!
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My wife says 90% of sex occurs between the ears. But I need a girl who can blow more just my mind.
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I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
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I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
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What a childhood I had. Once on my birthday my ol' man gave me a bat. The first day I played with it, it flew away.
Rodney Dangerfield
I tell ya, I knew my morning wasn't going right. When I put on my shirt the button fell off, when I picked up my briefcase, the handle fell off, I tell ya, I was afraid to go to the bathroom.
Rodney Dangerfield
One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!
Rodney Dangerfield
I come from a stupid family. My father worked in a bank. They caught him stealing pens.
Rodney Dangerfield
I tell ya, I know the best way to get girls. I hang out at women's prisons, and wait for parolees.
Rodney Dangerfield
A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.
Rodney Dangerfield
