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My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.

Rodney Dangerfield

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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Friend
Humor
Told
Comedy
Funny
Breast
Mother
Feds
Never
Breasts
Liked

More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield

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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. I told my mother, I'm gonna run away from home. She said, On your mark.
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I tell ya when I fly, I don't get no respect. I took one of those cheap flights, no frills. I finished eatin' and had to do the dishes.
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We were poor. we were so poor, in my neighborhood the rainbow was in black-and-white.
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I told my kids, Someday, you'll have kids of your own. One of them said, So will you.
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My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror.
Rodney Dangerfield
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I get no respect... I tell you, when I was born, the doctor smacked my mother
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I told my doctor I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.
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I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.
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My childhood was bad. No father. Mother was greedy and brought me up awful - never made me breakfast once. I don't want to get started. One story is worse than another.
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My kid wants to be a prison warden when he grows up so he can put thumb tacks on the electric chairs.
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I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
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I come home from work early one day, and I see a guy jogging down the street in his underwear. I ask him, Why are you jogging in your underwear? He says, You came home from work early.
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We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
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She was so fat that her clothes are made by Omar the tent maker.
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My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
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I have nothing but troubles with my car. Every Sunday I take my family out for a push.
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My wife was afraid of the dark. Then she saw me naked, and now she's afraid of the light.
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What a dog I got, he found out we look alike, so he killed himself.
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What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!
Rodney Dangerfield