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If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Life
Pockets
Pick
Picks
Sex
Humor
Wasn
Funny
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
Time and tide and hookers wait for no man.
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I am the world's oldest teenager. I've never lost my youthful attitude.
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My kid wants to be a prison warden when he grows up so he can put thumb tacks on the electric chairs.
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I'm a downer. I've been depressed my whole life. Figure it out.
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I said to a girl I'd been seeing, come home with me, honey, and I'll show you where it's at. She said, You'd better, because the last time I could'nt find it.
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I know I'm not sexy. In high school I was voted Most Likely to Masturbate.
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I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
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I'd like to get some new clothes, but I can't find a Big and Short store.
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My son's an idiot. He sprained his ankle playing golf. He fell off the ballwasher.
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My sex life is like shooting pool with a rope!
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One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.
Rodney Dangerfield
My wife she's fat. Why, if she lost a few pounds, she'd be perfectly round.
Rodney Dangerfield
At my age I'm envious of a stiff wind.
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My childhood was bad. No father. Mother was greedy and brought me up awful - never made me breakfast once. I don't want to get started. One story is worse than another.
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My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.
Rodney Dangerfield
I tell ya when I fly, I don't get no respect. I took one of those cheap flights, no frills. I finished eatin' and had to do the dishes.
Rodney Dangerfield
He found a new way to cover up his bad breath. He holds up his arms.
Rodney Dangerfield
I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.
Rodney Dangerfield
And my girlfriend, she's FAT! How fat? She's so fat she wears two watches-one for each time zone!
Rodney Dangerfield
I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.
Rodney Dangerfield
