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If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Pockets
Pick
Picks
Sex
Humor
Wasn
Funny
Life
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I've never been lucky. The day my ship came in, I was at the airport.
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Cars and women are a lot alike. They lie about the milage.
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Don't talk about yourself so much...we'll do that when you leave.
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Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide', and he told me from now I have to pay in advance.
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She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up.
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His breath is so bad why every time he smokes he blows onion rings.
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When I go to a nude beach, I always take a ruler, just in case I have to prove something.
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My old man never liked me. He gave me my allowance in traveler's checks.
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My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.
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When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names - hers and her mother's.
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My sex life is terrible my wife put a mirror over the dog's bed. Actually she did put a mirror over our bed. She says she likes to watch herself laugh.
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I once dated a girl that was wild. She was so wild that one night she gave her phone number to the mechanical bull.
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Comedy is a camouflage for depression.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. I had no friends. I remember the see-saw. I had to keep runnin' from one end to the other.
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I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
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I am the world's oldest teenager. I've never lost my youthful attitude.
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I can't get no respect.
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I'm not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker. I dropped my pants. She dropped her price.
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My wife was afraid of the dark. Then she saw me naked, and now she's afraid of the light.
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We were poor. we were so poor, in my neighborhood the rainbow was in black-and-white.
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