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If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Pick
Picks
Sex
Humor
Wasn
Funny
Life
Pockets
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
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School is a place were you go to eat your lunch
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One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her you cooked it, you take it out.
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I say 'no' to drugs. Whenever someone asks me for some of my drugs I say, 'no.
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I tell ya, my wife's a lousy cook. After dinner, I don't brush my teeth. I count them.
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Dad told me to stop running in circles, I couldn't, so he nailed down my other foot!
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When I told my wife she was lousy in bed - she went out - she got a second opinion.
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Me and my dad used to play tag, he'd drive!
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When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again.
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My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.
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My wife can't cook at all. She made chocolate mousse. An antler got stuck in my throat.
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At my age I'm envious of a stiff wind.
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My wife is so fat that the last time I saw something that big it was grazing.
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Never guess your wife's size. Just buy anything marked petite and hold on to the receipt.
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My childhood was bad. No father. Mother was greedy and brought me up awful - never made me breakfast once. I don't want to get started. One story is worse than another.
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I'm a downer. I've been depressed my whole life. Figure it out.
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I'd like to get some new clothes, but I can't find a Big and Short store.
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My father gave me a bat for Christmas. The first time I tried to play with it, it flew away.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. When I went on the roller coaster, my old man told me to stand up straight.
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My wife has teeth like the stars... they come out at night.
Rodney Dangerfield
