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If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Wasn
Funny
Life
Pockets
Pick
Picks
Sex
Humor
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
It was the same thing in the army, no respect. They gave me a uniform that glowed in the dark.
Rodney Dangerfield
She was so ugly that I took her to a dog show and she won first prize.
Rodney Dangerfield
Last time I tried to make love to my wife nothing happened, so I said to her, 'What's the matter, you can't think of anybody either?'
Rodney Dangerfield
One day as I came home early, I saw a man jogging naked. I said to the guy, 'Hey, buddy, why are you doing that?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'
Rodney Dangerfield
When it comes to sex, at my age I like threesomes. In case one of us dies.
Rodney Dangerfield
I'm a downer. I've been depressed my whole life. Figure it out.
Rodney Dangerfield
I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
Rodney Dangerfield
I asked my wife, 'On a scale of 1 to 10, how do you rate me as a lover?' She said, 'You know I'm no good at fractions.'
Rodney Dangerfield
I don't get no respect. I called Suicide Prevention. They tried to talk me into it.
Rodney Dangerfield
I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.
Rodney Dangerfield
I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
Rodney Dangerfield
I got myself good this morning too. I did my pushups in the nude, I didn't see the mouse trap.
Rodney Dangerfield
Don't talk about yourself so much...we'll do that when you leave.
Rodney Dangerfield
I'll tell you one thing, I know how to satisfy my wife in bed, yeah, I leave.
Rodney Dangerfield
She failed her drivers test. She couldn't get used to the front seat. It took her four lessons to learn to sit up.
Rodney Dangerfield
I was making love to my wife the other night, I looked up. She was on the phone.
Rodney Dangerfield
A sense of humor is rare. It isn't telling a joke about how there are three ways to get to heaven. It's being in a restaurant and hearing someone say, Everyone's got their tale of woe, and then turning around and saying, Unfortunately, in life, there's more woe than tail.
Rodney Dangerfield
When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.
Rodney Dangerfield
I've never been lucky. The day my ship came in, I was at the airport.
Rodney Dangerfield
I tell ya, I knew my morning wasn't going right. When I put on my shirt the button fell off, when I picked up my briefcase, the handle fell off, I tell ya, I was afraid to go to the bathroom.
Rodney Dangerfield
