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When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Played
Humor
Funny
Sandbox
Covering
Cat
Kept
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My mother used to rock me - and she used big rocks.
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You don't know who to believe. Like Abraham Lincoln. He said all men were created equal. He never went to a nude beach.
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My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.
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At certain times I like sex - like after a cigarette.
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I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
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My cousin is gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.
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Life is just a bowl of pits.
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I'd like to get some new clothes, but I can't find a Big and Short store.
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Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
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My old man never liked me. He gave me my allowance in traveler's checks.
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Oh, I was an ugly kid. My old man took me to the zoo. They thanked him for returning me.
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A man in the crowd asks: Hey Rodney, how'd you get started? Rodney: I was 12 years old, alone in my room, and I got started!
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When I was a kid I got no respect. When I went on the roller coaster, my old man told me to stand up straight.
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I had a date with an inflatable girl. Now I got an inflatable guy looking for me.
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One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her you cooked it, you take it out.
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I asked my wife, 'On a scale of 1 to 10, how do you rate me as a lover?' She said, 'You know I'm no good at fractions.'
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My ex-wife is a water sign and I'm an earth sign. Together we made mud.
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Never guess your wife's size. Just buy anything marked petite and hold on to the receipt.
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My wife made me join a bridge club... I jump off next Tuesday.
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I'm taking Viagra and drinking prune juice. I don't know if I'm coming or going.
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