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My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Comedy
Wife
Inspirational
Unfortunately
Night
Sexy
Home
Mets
Door
Doors
Coming
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I tell ya, southern people, they always think you are hard-of-hearing. Every timr you leave they say to you, You come back, you hear? And southern people, they think you are horny too. You get directions, they say, Just up the road apiece.
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My sex life is terrible my wife put a mirror over the dog's bed. Actually she did put a mirror over our bed. She says she likes to watch herself laugh.
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Last week my tie caught on fire, some guy tried to put it out with an axe.
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It's lonely on the top when there's no one on the bottom.
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With my dog I don't get no respect. He keeps barking at the front door. He don't want to go out. He wants me to leave.
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I figured out I'm bisexual. I have sex twice a year.
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She was so ugly that her face could stop a sundial.
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Oh, I was an ugly kid. My old man took me to the zoo. They thanked him for returning me.
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One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!
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They say love thy neighbor as thy self , what am I supposed to do jerk him off too?
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You don't know who to believe. Like Abraham Lincoln. He said all men were created equal. He never went to a nude beach.
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Never guess your wife's size. Just buy anything marked petite and hold on to the receipt.
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I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.
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A girl phoned me the other day and said... 'Come on over, there's nobody home.' I went over. Nobody was home.
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I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn't enough.
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Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was poor. I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.
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I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the west.
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One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.
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For two hours, some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.
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My kids scotch tape worms to the sidewalk and watch the birds get hernias.
Rodney Dangerfield