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My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Wife
Inspirational
Unfortunately
Night
Sexy
Home
Mets
Door
Doors
Coming
Comedy
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
I told my wife 'hey honey come on, let's make love like the old days.' She asked me for 50 bucks.
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She was so fat that her clothes are made by Omar the tent maker.
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I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.
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My cousins gay, he went to London only to find out that Big Ben was a clock.
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When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
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A hooker once told me she had a headache.
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One day as I came home early, I saw a man jogging naked. I said to the guy, 'Hey, buddy, why are you doing that?' He said, 'Because you came home early.'
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Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.
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We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
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Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide', and he told me from now I have to pay in advance.
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My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.
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One night she told me to put out the garbage. I told her you cooked it, you take it out.
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I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
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I asked him Who said you could fool around with my wife he said everybody.
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They say love thy neighbor as thy self , what am I supposed to do jerk him off too?
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It's lonely on the top when there's no one on the bottom.
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I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.
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I tell ya, my wife's a lousy cook. After dinner, I don't brush my teeth. I count them.
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I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is don't tell the butcher!
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