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My wife met me at the door the other night in a sexy negligee. Unfortunately, she was just coming home.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Home
Mets
Door
Doors
Coming
Comedy
Wife
Inspirational
Unfortunately
Night
Sexy
More quotes by Rodney Dangerfield
My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
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I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.
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I don't get no respect. I called Suicide Prevention. They tried to talk me into it.
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Well with girls I don't get no respect. I had a blind date. I waited two hours on the corner. A girl walked by. I said Are you Louise? She said, Are you Rodney? I said, Yeah. She said, I'm not Louise.
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I was an ugly kid when I was born, after the doctor cut the cord, he hung himself.
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What a dog I got, he found out we look alike, so he killed himself.
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It's great to have gray hair. Ask anyone who's bald.
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Last year my birthday cake looked like a prairie fire.
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One night I came home. I figured, let my wife come on. I'll play it cool. Let her make the first move. She went to Florida.
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I've never been lucky. The day my ship came in, I was at the airport.
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[on 8/24/04, before entering a Los Angeles hospital for heart valve replacement surgery] If things go right, I'll be there about a week, and if things don't go right, I'll be there about an hour and a half.
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Comedy is a camouflage for depression.
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She was so fat that her belly button makes an echo.
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My son's an idiot. He sprained his ankle playing golf. He fell off the ballwasher.
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What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.
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Guy goes into a bar with a duck under his arm. Bartender says, Where'd you get the pig? Guy says, This is a duck. Bartender says, I was talking to the duck.
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What a dog I got. Last night he went on the paper four times - three while I was reading it.
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My wife is so fat that the last time I saw something that big it was grazing.
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My cousin is gay, in school while other kids were dissecting frog, he was opening flies.
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My kid wants to be a prison warden when he grows up so he can put thumb tacks on the electric chairs.
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