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My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
Rodney Dangerfield
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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Humor
Came
Wallet
Funny
Wallets
Father
Fatherhood
Kids
Carries
Around
Carrie
Dad
Picture
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What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!
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All my wife and I do is fight about sex. The other night, we really had it out. Well, I'll put it this way - I had it out.
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They say love thy neighbor as thy self , what am I supposed to do jerk him off too?
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She was so ugly that her face could stop a sundial.
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My kid wants to be a prison warden when he grows up so he can put thumb tacks on the electric chairs.
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I've never been lucky. The day my ship came in, I was at the airport.
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We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations - we're doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.
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I'll tell you one thing, I know how to satisfy my wife in bed, yeah, I leave.
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My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.
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One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!
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I'm a downer. I've been depressed my whole life. Figure it out.
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Hey, did somebody step on a duck?
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If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all.
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My wife is so fat that the last time I saw something that big it was grazing.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. When I went on the roller coaster, my old man told me to stand up straight.
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When I go to a nude beach, I always take a ruler, just in case I have to prove something.
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