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My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

Rodney Dangerfield

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Rodney Dangerfield
Age: 82 †
Born: 1921
Born: November 22
Died: 2004
Died: October 5
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Town of Babylon
New York
Jacob Rodney Cohen
Jack Roy
Funny
Wallets
Father
Fatherhood
Kids
Carries
Around
Carrie
Dad
Picture
Humor
Came
Wallet

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I don't get no respect
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I bought a new book, '100 new ways to make love'. I ended up in traction - it was a misprint.
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When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
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My wife is such a bad cook, if we leave dental floss in the kitchen the roaches hang themselves.
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Oh, when I was a kid, I was poor. Christmas, I got no presents. Well, there was one Christmas, on our front lawn - Prancer and Dancer - they dropped off a little something.
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With my old man I got no respect. He told me never take candy from a stranger unless he offered me a ride.
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[on 8/24/04, before entering a Los Angeles hospital for heart valve replacement surgery] If things go right, I'll be there about a week, and if things don't go right, I'll be there about an hour and a half.
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I said to a girl I'd been seeing, come home with me, honey, and I'll show you where it's at. She said, You'd better, because the last time I could'nt find it.
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My wife made me join a bridge club... I jump off next Tuesday.
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It's lonely on the top when there's no one on the bottom.
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What a dog I got, he found out we look alike, so he killed himself.
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My cousin is gay, I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.
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Don't talk about yourself so much...we'll do that when you leave.
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She was so fat that her bathtub has stretch marks.
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I walked in on my wife and the milkman, the first thing she says is don't tell the butcher!
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I can't get no respect.
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I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.
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Oh, I was an ugly kid. My old man took me to the zoo. They thanked him for returning me.
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I once met a beautiful, proper English girl. I bid her adieu.... she bid me a don't.
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When I was a kid I got no respect. I told my mother, I'm gonna run away from home. She said, On your mark.
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